Entering fatherhood

Several things have happened in my life over the past few months that merited their entry into this blog. But I havent been able to put myself into a frame of mind to bring these blogging thoughts onto a computer. So guys, brace yourself for the worst, I gotta announce to you that those thoughts have vanished and are lost for posterity. But let me pull a few of those thoughts from the embers and publish them in this entry.

Rahul has now come into Akila's life and mine as well - her life moreso for the time being than mine. He is of course the expected bundle of joy. The entire family is busy arguing as to who he resembles more and we left it for them to fight it out between themselves - with the express stipulation that they don't say that he resembles the postman or the milkman.

Things have been hectic over the past few months. I have changed jobs, relocated to Hyderabad ( a city in South India for the India ignorant), remodelled our flat etc. But behind this excess blur of activity, things have remained placid. I am still getting sweepstake winning notifications from non existent lotteries, getting spammed in my blog periodically (tho less so now than formerly - see my entry about this in my other blog) and still eating my three meals a day and havent lost a wink of sleep thanks to Akila and my inlaws. And yes I put on some weight in sympathy with Akila who quickly lost her weight gain after pregnancy.

But more importantly, there is this almost obsessive thought that I have become a dad of a little adorable child who trusts in me implicitly. It is almost a repeat feeling to the one that I had after marriage when I realized that there is this girl (my wife of course) who has plighted her troth with me. I think that is the greatest benefit of fatherhood.

And when you see your child sleeping peacefully, I am reminded of the Hangman at home poem that we used to be taught at school. It is almost impossible to resist the picture of a little baby sleeping and if the moon decides to shine on the baby's cheek and make the baby more adorable.. more power to the moon..

Unconditional Love

As a would be father I am obviously ecstatically waiting for my little one.

Indian retrograde laws that prohibit revealing the sex of the baby,( aimed at nitwits who don't appreciate feminine progeny) have made sure that I am kept in suspense as to the sex of the baby. (By the way, I got to tell you that these kind of laws, though they vary in content from country to country, are still universal. But that is another topic for another day). Despite all this, I am thrilled thinking about the state of my little one in my wife's womb. I know this is fairly symptomatic of the state of mind of expecting fathers and mothers.

This got me thinking about the entire mechanics of love. Viewed objectively, it is odd that I should develop so much fondness for a child whom I know so little about. I don't know whether the baby would think the same way as I would want him or her to think. How will the baby look like? Everything is in suspense. But I still have this real overwhelming love waiting for the little one to come into this world. Isn't it inexplicable? How can you love someone without knowing anything about them? I guess this is the kind of love that falls under the banner of "Unconditional Love". The only other place where I see such love is in Indian movies where the idiotic hero falls head over heels in love with a gal whom he had just seen in passing.

Anyways, I wonder if this is the kind of love that would be required, to make any relationship work. Do I love my wife just because she happens to be my wife? Or do I impose pre-conditions for my love? I love her because she cooked dinner for me. I love her because she is so well read. Or because she is so pretty? I think at some point in time we need to ask ourselves this question about most people around us.

One of my theories is that I love someone unconditionally if they are not around me. After all like someone said "Distance is a great promoter of admiration". This is especially true for relatives. You love them when they are not around you. The moment you see them, you want them to leave! So from all this, I am jumping to the possibly precipitate conclusion that we love anything unconditional if it stays conceptual. I love my brother since he is my brother. The moment I see him, I want him to alter all kinds of behavior. (Won't you stop chomping your food etc.)

Now I know why God does not show himself (or herself) to us. We love God so long as they are conceptual as the benevolent father (or mother) of the Universe. The moment they show up, we are busy judging them. Do you really have to don that kind of apparel, God? Can't you speak colloquial language like the rest of us? ...

I think I understand the world a little bit better now.